Something is Missing......

He always felt that he is special, with immense talent and confidence, he can be successful. Daily, he would get feeling that he could write impressive, he had the creativity, he had the imagination ; standing on the footboard of the train, breathing in the fresh air, daily, he would dream himself to be a successful writer,

He would see a little child doing potty at the side of rail track, he would imagine, what would be that boy’s life? Does he go to school? If not, had he ever thought about going to school? What are his parents? Are they working on daily wages and is he the one unlucky playing with children of same condition? Would he able to read books that I read? What if I go to him someday ask him what does he do? What if I spend an entire day with him? What if I understand his emotions, and write his feelings about the children who are been raised well? Or else, what if I write a diary for him? ‘Sounds to be an interesting idea!’ he would say promising himself to surely develop on it when he will get back from the office.

Day gets over, and here starts another journey of thoughts while traveling back! He would imagine looking at the throng on the station. ‘Why do we live in Mumbai? It is the dirtiest city with people crawling like ants here and there. Why am I living here? I’m not at all getting any sense of living my life here; I’m not getting time to do something in my way, something I really like. I’m doing job just for the sake of the money, there also I don’t get enough scope to explore myself. Am I the only one living this kind of life here? Am I the only one frustrated with family problems?’ Bang, his imagination starts working, he decides to write on the nuisance he is feeling; he would pretend himself leading hundreds of people who are sharing the same sentiment of frustration, anger, helplessness as he is feeling and people behind him nodding ‘Yes, he is the one who understands us. He is the one who could actually write our emotions.’

He would come home drained, too hungry to wait; he would eat dinner, thinking about the mails he has to send tonight and not at all enjoying the dinner to the fullest, just doing it mechanically. By the time, he sits on the computer, does his office work, his eyes start prickling, and he decides to go to bed rethinking of tomorrows work list; Completely forgotten about writing the thoughts, being a writer. Very soon, his body demands a sound sleep and again his life goes on the same cycle next morning.

He continues to live this way knowing he is not living to the fullest. Though he enjoys little joys in the life, adjusts himself according the life demands, he lives with something missing, something incomplete, and never satisfied...................

Move on!!!!!!!!

He is a fantastic person; humble, sarcastic, jovial, endearing person who could play excellent football as well. Most beloved among everybody around him… People used to say ‘nothing can go wrong with him, yet if it goes, he’ll get the best out of it and make things under his feet’…because he is supposed to be the Perfectionist!!

Aniruddha, or simply Ani, as we all call him, is single and always takes things like love, attraction, emotions in the most ironic way as he could. He has his own concepts of relationships which were very moral, logical, sort of ideal but only good on paper, speculative or simply ‘filmy’. He would argue you about one who’s drastically changed over a girl, one who’s ditching someone and going after another, wasting money for gals etc. Seeing you disagreed with your own views on love, relationships, used to give him a great pleasure and sense of moral victory.

But from few days back, he was being very averse from these kinds of discussions… he left hanging out with us, frequently, as he used to do. Ani started to leave from college very early; he suddenly found sitting for lectures very boring. Our surprise came to an end one day, when we caught Ani and Neha, our one fellow classmate, sitting in a nearby coffee shop. Next day, he told us, formally that he was going around with Neha and he liked her a lot. So, from then onwards, it was very common to see the changes like, being on phone for hours, bunking the college and finding him in that coffee shop, skipping our hang outs, etc. Their love story blossomed in a week, with lots of meetings in Barista, lots of hours on phone. He always used to tell us, ‘she’s so different than other girls’, ‘very caring n’ sweet’, ‘I’m very lucky to have Neha etc’. We didn’t find anything special in her, but the truth was, ‘Ani liked Neha’! A constant conflict between his two minds was making him nervous. He was the one who used to make fun of people in ‘Baseless, impractical, immature Relation’ and now he was passing through the same phase, Balancing between own inner image of himself and the one which he shaped before people, us.

One month later…………

“Please don’t go now… I want to talk a lot with you… wait for some more time!”

“Don’t talk with me… you can go and enjoy your football and your friends…I mean nothing to you anyways!” she said the last words so loudly that Ani felt very embarrassed. “I love you dear…But try n’ understand, we’ve our match tomorrow, we had to practice…….” Cutting his sentence she got up and said “give me a call at 12 exactly, not a single second late…bye…that’s your punishment…mind you, not a single second late.” Ani sat helplessly on the couple’s seat of coffee shop looking her go out so ruthlessly. He sat for few more minutes and left shop thinking of how weird one can act. Ani walked down the street thinking of that day when Neha came to him praising his football skills. “I loved your brilliant play today…you couldn’t manage to score a goal but still your game was excellent!!” The conversation started with this appreciation then turned into lots of chats, discussions, ended up with hours of ‘sweet nothings’ on phone. He thought he’s found the ultimate love he was searching for, in just few days. Now he was so poignant! How lucky he felt that day when she said ‘YES’…., Ani recollected his small period of romance with a solid kick on a dead cold drink can on footpath. It was certainly not going in the right way; the luck was certainly not on his side, one month of relation gave him very few happy days, he had to spin it off, get over the situation. After long rational, logical thinking, he came to a decision.

Ani suddenly got up at 11-50.remembering about the call. He thanked god for waking him up on time… Ani went to bathroom, splashed water on his face. He was very nervous…what will she say? This is not the first time but still…will it be alright in the end? I don’t want time-pass relation anymore; it has to be a serious one! She’s so sweet; it’s just that we would need time to get along…reminding him to be positive, he finally moved towards phone; Dialed the numbers…phone rang… “Hello”

“Happy birthday, Priya!” he whispered “Its exact 12’o clock, not a single second late”

“Thanks a lot!” she said “You are very punctual! I was expecting your call!”

“I know! So what is your answer? I’m waiting and dying to listen”

“The answer is what you expect dear…YES!!!”

“I knew it” he said “I love you!”

“I love you too!!”

So this was Ani…life asked him to move on and he did it with the smartest and practical way he could…the perfectionist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He followed a famous filmy dialogue,

“Never run after a bus, train and girl; because, if you miss one, you will get another in sometime!!” ;)

Yeah hai Mumbai meri Jaan

Yeah hai Mumbai meri Jaan

Now, this will be my fourth year in Mumbai. It was only a few days after the big crisis of 26th July, when I first came to Mumbai with my elder brother. ‘The City’, for me was never beyond, Pune. From my town, Latur, I reached Mumbai; with the help of my elder brother, found accommodation and, here was to start my life without my parents, without my joint family back there; a completely independent life; here was I to decide my further path in life. On the first night, I fell asleep thinking how my journey shall be thrilling in this happening city; the so called, City of dreams, financial capital of India, city of Bollywood.

Now after three years, I can see the real life of the most of the people living over here. Life here is nothing but full of traveling. One day you come to this city for your career, in search of employment, for education, and you end up being a Mumbaikar. People come from every corner of the India, they struggle; struggle and more struggle which makes them find their permanent pie in the city. People travel for a couple of hours, all the way from the places like, Virar, Badlapur in overloaded trains; but they will travel, no matter how hectic it is; because, after all it's for the family they have set up during their time of struggle. After two years in a hostel, I moved in with my sister, who happened to be here for her higher studies. Here was my first encounter with actual daily traveling in local trains.

“Oh boy, he’s gone!” one commuter said.

“Why do they hurry?” another responded.

I eagerly asked them, “What happened?”

The few inches of distance between us in that overcrowded train, made me intrude their conversation, as I just sensed something has fallen down as the train arrived on Kanjur station. “Nothing muc!!,He hustled to get down even before train had haulted”

“Did they take him to the hospital?” I asked , but, it was an useless question as I also knew that train hardly waited for a few seconds to know what would happen later.

“Probably he is dead; Platforms are dangerous. If fallen on the tracks, there’s a chance of saving.” Within the few words he analyzed the death and forgot it talking about his office stuff to his colleague. I was terrified, speechless, and blank, thinking of what would have happened to that guy.

When someone young dies, it’s not just his death but it’s an end to his dreams, his parent’s hopes, his partner’s expectations and it affects a lot of people around him.

I didn’t know why that day was destined for me, but as soon as I got down at my destination, I saw a middle aged, badly bleeding woman being carried on a stretcher. I got to know later that she just fell off on the track because of the crowd trying to get into the train frantically. I couldn’t stop thinking of the guy and the face of the bleeding woman; life is very cheap here, I thought.

Tomorrow, I can be one of them if I would become so called Mumbaikar, if I stay here for my career, if I think about my permanent stay in this city. There’s no guarantee whether I’ll come back alive; this terrifying thought shook me for some time; But as a true Mumbaikar, I forgot the incident as early as possible. That’s the spirit of Mumbai which’s been appreciated in the entire world. No matter how many die every year, we won’t stop hanging on the footboard; we won’t stop sitting on the rooftops, we won’t stop clinging on to the train where danger sign is stenciled; that’s the spirit to live. Even within few hours of 7/11 blats, people traveled in trains, that’s the spirit; they showed world, nobody can kill our spirit, even bomb blasts can not stop us running, can not stop our lives; we are already dead inside, we leave our houses like brave Jawans on the border, with our lives in god's hand, that’s courage. I see many people, traveling the entire journey on foot boards of the train, with one leg inside, another leg almost outside, three fingers on the upper outer side of train and another hand holding on to a bar inside the train. Despite of the plenty pushes and explosive situations inside the train, they’ve enough confidence upon themselves that none of the insider’s thrust or the rush in the interiors will make them slip off their three fingers and consequently, their lives. Nobody has the time to think for all this; city is always on the run; it has to, there’s no escape!!

Every night, exhausted me, see myself, resting on the big varanda after my evening play, I see myself waiting for my dad coming from his office, playing with my mom’s sari while she cooks; pressing my granny’s legs; snuggling with my cousins; I sleep every night, dreaming to go back to those days. I will live that peaceful life, one day. One day I shall go back to my own town; be at peace.